I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
