So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
