Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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