Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have aggressive nipples.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
