im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
