They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
