So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
