Sry I called you an 8
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
