I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
