Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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