its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
