I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
