Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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