i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
