I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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