I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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