At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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