Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
