How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
