Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
