Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
