We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
