you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
