The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
