my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
