At least make sure they are 18
Why
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
