I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
