Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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