return my video game
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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