I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
