I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
