yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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