I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
