i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
