I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
