dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
