Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
