I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
