The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
