wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
