She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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