I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im six kinds of drunk right now
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
