maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
