peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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