It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The struggles of a small town man whore
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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