I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
