I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
