Your favorite bartender is back from prision
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
