Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
