Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
