Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
