i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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