So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
