I only kidnapped one of them. chill
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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